Friends! You will know by now that I am a most self-sufficient feline. I pursue my crusade against the humans armed purely with my wits and my prodigious powers of persuasion. Rarely do I not prevail; and on those shocking occasions that I am foiled in my plans, it is usually owing to the betrayal of another of our kind (you know of whom I speak…).
Naturally, such an accomplished puss as I does not seek assistance as a matter of course. However, nor am I one to reject aid when it is offered. And, from time to time, in some more minor part of the battlefield, I freely admit that I welcome the help given by certain associates from a rather unusual quarter.
I feel that it is now time to acknowledge these confederates and give them their due.
Comrades, I bring you… The Meeseketeers!
Mr Yellow Meese
Mr Yellow Meese has been a true companion since I first entered the humans’ household, and has helped me stake my claim to the various parts of this dwelling. Time and again he allows me to throw him hither and thither around the place: under sofa thrones, up stairs, behind a wide variety of scratching posts (which the humans bizarrely term ‘furniture’).
Such activity, as I have remarked before, enables me to confuse the humans: convinced as they are that I am an imbecile, incapable of keeping hold of my precious toys, I regularly have them on their hands and knees with a flashlight, seeking out what I have ‘lost’.
Oh, how I laugh to see them brought so low! It is particularly amusing when Mr Yellow Meese stations himself on the thoroughfare the humans call the ‘landing’ in the thick of night: many a time I have witnessed Catfather or Catmother stumble over his hidden form on their way to the water chamber!
These moments may seem small and unimportant, but they are a vital factor in my ability to keep my head when subjected to the humans’ trials on a daily basis.
Mr Yellow Meese, I salute you.
My next compatriot is known by no other name than Monster. His fearsome reputation comes from my predecessor, who has passed down to me the knowledge I need to ensure I remain safe from Monster’s potential assaults while also benefiting from his gifts.
By predecessor I do not mean Flora Flump; no, Madam Flump wisely appreciated Monster’s intrepid work in entertaining the troops, and was frequently to be seen chasing him around the territory with unequalled vim and vigour.
No, I am referring to that other stouthearted erstwhile doyen amongst felines, Mr Felix. Whilst as brave as any other cat in the face of human adversity, Felix was never able to come to an understanding with my little fluffy ally.
When Monster danced and dangled on his wire, valiantly attempting to lead his onlookers in the necessary physical exercise that would improve their fitness and enhance their mental health, Mr Felix would – for reasons of his own – simply give him a questioning look and head directly out of the room.
Felix did not care to share those reasons with anyone. But, through his behaviour, he cleverly ensured that the humans would regale me with these tales – and so I became aware that perhaps Monster has a dark side… and I would do well to be alert in his presence.
And so, although I welcome Monster’s contribution to the cause – and, yes, I salute him – I remain cautious. I trust that this reticence will serve me well.
Mr Christmas Tree
Mr Christmas Tree is not, in fact, a meese!
You would be quite correct in this assertion. However, as a result of his tireless work alongside Mr Yellow Meese – I have lost count of the score they keep as to who has been thrown upstairs the greater number of times – I have formally designated him an Honorary Meeseketeer.
Mr Christmas Tree is also the one with whom I have the closest emotional connection. When I arrived here from the rescue centre, he was the one who accompanied me from that halfway house – and oh! how he helped keep me sane in those dark days.
His ability to simply listen as I poured out my woes did not desert him once we arrived in our new kingdom. Many a time I have opened my heart to him about the humans’ ignorance of my needs, and each time he offers comfort and understanding.
It is primarily Mr Christmas Tree to whom I owe my current level of sanity. For a non-feline, he has a remarkable talent for comprehending our ways, and I can safely say I would not be the marvel that I am if it were not for him.
Mr Christmas Tree, I salute you.
And so, you now know whence I receive my help. Whilst I must reiterate that I am outstandingly capable of fighting the humans on my own, I cannot deny that the support I receive from my Meeseketeers makes it a great deal easier to maintain both my health and my spirits.
I would therefore like you all to raise a bowl of milk to my accomplices.
All for one and one for all!