The Pokemon Postulate

Pasha on the hunt for Pokemon

Comrades! I have exciting news to report. A new corner has been turned in our battle against the humans, and I feel that, at long last, we may have entered upon a winning streak.

You will be aware that allies to our cause are few and far between. As felines, we are by nature solitary beings, although we are more than capable of joining together when necessity dictates, the better to sustain an attack on our adversaries. Yet support from other species remains elusive. (Can you recall the last time a canine came to your aid? I rest my case.)

And so it is with slight trepidation, but also a burgeoning sense of hope, that I dare announce to you the provisional recruitment of a new band of brothers (and sisters) to our campaign.

My fellow cats, I bring you… the Pocket Monsters.

You may have heard tell of these mythical creatures; you may even have spotted one in the wild and gazed, wonderingly, at this fantastical vision. Perhaps your own humans have spoken in hushed tones of their attempts to ‘catch ’em all’ – and this, my friends, should tell you everything you need to know about our new confederates.

Hunted down by the humans, pursued wherever they go, captured and detained when they should be living freely… these Monsters are ripe for a revolution! For too long now they have suffered at the hands of their tormentors: forced to do battle on their behalf, they regularly and selflessly place themselves in danger while the humans sit idly by and count their victories.

This treatment cannot be allowed to continue; and now we felines have the opportunity, not only to rescue our fellow creatures from their bondage, but also to open our paws and welcome them into our community, where – it is to be hoped – they will join us in our quest for dominion over the humans once and for all!

I have high hopes for this new partnership. The Pocket Monsters are equipped with magical skills, the like of which even we cats can only dream of. Their fur is brightly coloured, rivalling even my own – which is a compliment of the highest order. And, not least, they are numerous; those who remain at large can be found in a vast number of locations – all we have to do is find them and offer the whiskers of friendship.

You will not be surprised to learn that your Pasha has already taken the bold step of seeking out these lone animals, with the aim of initiating diplomatic negotiations. After monitoring the Catparents’ behaviour closely, I became convinced that at least one magical being resided in the front gardens of my domain, and I determined that, whatever the cost to myself, I would attempt a conference.

And so it was that, the other night, as Catfather was entering the house, I leaped over his feet in a single bound and made my bid for freedom. As I knew that the humans would waste no time in tracking me, I made straight for the large plant in which I was certain the Pocket Monster was hiding, and embarked on the delicate process of sniffing him out. The darkness gave a welcome cover to my furtive business, and I believe I was on the verge of encouraging him to reveal himself when – curses! – the humans foiled my plans once again!

Working together to create a pincer movement, they came at me from both sides, leaving me with no option but to abandon my promising venture and hot-foot it back into the safety of my palace. I judged that it would be far better to postpone my plans for another day than to risk exposure at this critical juncture. Other occasions will present themselves in time; I must simply ensure that I am ready.

And so, for now, we must content ourselves with merely the expectation of reinforcements. I have no doubt that these Monsters will rally to our cause as soon as the necessary discussions have taken place, and that they will prove to be formidable associates. But we cannot rush an agreement of such immense significance. I must bide my time, and – once again – I must crave your patience.

Have no fear, my comrades. Our time will come soon.

Very soon.