Friends! Time runs on apace, and it will not be long now before the Catparents depart for their next holiday.
I will, naturally, be holding the fort in their absence; this is, after all, my kingdom, and I expect life to continue much as normal without them. Indeed, I anticipate experiencing a significantly lesser degree of disruption as I carry on my daily duties unencumbered by their human idiocies that generally confound me at every turn.
But I shall not be alone in my vigil; oh no. Despite being supremely well equipped for the task of defending my territory, and more than confident to undertake it solo, the humans have decided – yet again – that I am not only to accept assistance from, but also to entertain, the senior member of their tribe known as Catgrandfather.
You have heard me speak of this individual before, and you may recall that I was pleasantly surprised by his conduct. Not only did he fail to irritate me in the manner I was expecting (he is, when all is said and purred, a human), I was almost shocked when it became apparent that we had formed a special bond. I suspect that this was due to his recognition of my dominance in this kingdom, but it cannot be understated just how unusual this is with the humans of my acquaintance.
And so I look forward greatly to the imminent arrival of my erstwhile companion. I trust that he will be of the same mind with regard to my sovereignty here; if so, he can be assured of the most respectful treatment from my good self for the duration of his residency.
I have planned many entertainments for his delectation, and will be encouraging him to take day trips and other short sojourns wherever possible, the better to allow me my rest and relaxation. As long as he does not neglect his culinary responsibilities towards me, I see no reason why we cannot co-exist in a blissful state of peace and harmony.
In order to welcome him to my domain, I intend to regale him with tales of my exploits, charm him with melodies yowled in my most mellifluous voice, and enthrall him with poems composed with my own delicately manicured paws.
Indeed, I would like to share with you a new poem, one which I think Catgrandfather will enjoy. It is whispered amongst his kin that he is not averse to frequenting those places of worship that the humans hold dear. I have therefore devised a hymn to our own feline kind, which, given his proclivities, I am certain he will appreciate. If nothing else, it will serve as a timely reminder of the natural order of things whilst he abides within my realm!
And did those paws in ancient time
Trot upon neighbours’ gardens green?
And was the legendary Pasha Puss
On many well-trimmed flower beds seen?
And did the Countenance of Pash
Shine forth upon our feline eyes?
And was Cat Territory builded here
Beneath these blue and cloudless skies?
I swish my Tail of burning gold:
I twitch my Whiskers of desire:
I flex my Paws : O claws unfold !
My emerald Eyes are all afire.
I will not cease from Mental Fight,
Nor shall my Comrades take their nap
Till we have built Cat Territory
In humans’ warm and cosy Lap.
And on those dulcet notes I will take my leave, and go to make my final preparations for the arrival of Catgrandfather. Do not be disheartened by my absence from the communication device; I have faith in your abilities to sustain yourselves throughout the most difficult of times, and if your courage should fail, you only need cast your eyes over the above paean and you can be assured that your strength will return.
May the feline force be with you!