Comrades! I have cheering news indeed. I believe I have won a small victory over Catmother…
You will recall that, some time ago, I suffered the indignity of having my outdoor viewing station occupied by her offending ‘laptop’. Despite my protestations, nothing could induce her to remove it to a more amenable location.
Try as I might, I could not persuade her that my need to survey my territory should take precedence over all else. In vain she attempted to pull the wool over my eyes by insisting that she needed the space to ‘work’ in order to earn ‘money’ to purchase my food.
Pah! This is undoubtedly a ploy to convince me I am truly dependent on them. But I will not be reduced to such a demeaning state of grateful subservience. I know perfectly well that, if I so chose, I could catch my own meals from the tasty variety that flutters around the garden.
And this is precisely why I need my lookout point! Friends, it chills me to think that this is perhaps her secret aim after all: to prevent me from indulging in my natural behaviours, thereby limiting my self sufficiency and weakening my powers.
I am not normally one to be deterred by such a fiendish attitude. On the contrary, it generally inspires me to an ever greater persistence in getting my own way, by any means necessary. But, this time, I began to fear that even my extensive skills in persuasion were failing me.
No amount of purring would move her; no extent of hissing would force her; no measure of cuddles would distract her from her position. It was looking depressingly bleak for me.
But then (oh joy of joys!) – as has happened in many a battle before – I was thrown a lifeline by that miracle of nature: the weather. And this phenomenon, which the humans refer to as ‘climate change’, finally achieved what I alone could not. The freezing cold, coupled with a lack of that impressive technology ‘double glazing’, eventually provoked Catmother into admitting defeat.
With a growing sense of triumph I watched as she piled on layer over layer of clothing; drank endless cups of hot liquid, and – cursing – was even driven so far as to switch the luscious ‘central heating’ on in the middle of the day.
But all this was to no avail. The cold – ah, my friend the cold! – would not be shifted, and she eventually made the blessed decision to move the entire desk away from the window and locate it by the radiator.
I will admit that the process was not without discomfort for me. Not only did the process of moving the furniture cause me some distress, but for a time I was concerned that the window would remain without a viewing station at all.
But my fears were unfounded. She has now moved what she terms a ‘filing cabinet’ into the gap vacated by her preposterous ‘workstation’, and, although I do not have quite the space to roam that I had previously, at least it is mine! Mine entirely!
I will risk a small ‘Miaowahahaha’ here…
And so I have won a small but significant victory over the human miscreant. To my added satisfaction, she has now also placed a surprisingly cosy bed for me next to the desk – that is, my friends, next to the radiator!
I am a little overwhelmed by this luxury, but have naturally adapted swiftly to my new-found fortune. Still keeping a wary eye on Catmother – for who knows what devious plot she may be hatching? – I sink into my new bed with grace and ease, and relish my accomplishments.
So, comrades, if you are feeling despondent; if you are filled with despair at our constant subjugation by the humans; if you cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel… Be heartened! It is indeed possible, as much by luck as by wit, to persevere and prevail.
I will now return to my luxurious boudoir and plan my next move. For this is but a small battle in the great war that lies ahead of us, and I must not rest. I will merely take a quick snooze (or five), and return to the fray revived and ready for action.
Keep the faith!