Dear Pasha,
How can I stop my human disappearing on holiday and leaving me with the neighbour? I shudder to inform you that said neighbour is even – whisper it – a dog lover. Ewww.
Any advice gratefully received!
Paws,
Margo
Pasha replies…
Dear Margo,
I feel your pain. The need of humans for these so-called ‘holidays’ is incomprehensible – how can they possibly desire time away from serving us in all our wondrousness? But they are complex creatures, and we must learn not to accept their foibles but to manipulate them.
I would advise getting the neighbour on board. You can do this by rampaging around the ‘holiday home’, causing havoc and leaving a trail of destruction in your wake. Curtains, bedding, laundry… nothing should be left unshredded. You should then find that this dog-loving fiend will turn into the most malleable of accomplices; she will soon be begging your humans to return home and stay there for the foreseeable future.
This course of action has the additional benefit that the neighbour is likely to spread the word to other potential ‘cat sitters’ (how they demean us with that term!). Warned of the consequences should they fail to meet our expectations, they will undoubtedly excuse themselves from the responsibility – thereby forcing your humans to stay home and keep you in the manner to which you are accustomed.
(I must point out that the inherent risk of such action is that your humans may decide to send you – gulp – to a cattery instead. You must exercise your own judgement as to whether they would indeed stoop so low.)
Of course, should your home circumstances be less than desirable, it is possible for the ‘holiday visit’ to be turned into an excellent escape route. You may find that your temporary residence is more to your taste than your current situation; in which case, Margo, I urge you to turn on the charm, engage maximum purr mode, and watch the new human plead with your existing humans to let you stay.
I wish you all the best!
Paws,
Pasha