Spiders hunted: 3.
Spiders caught: 0.
Birds viewed: 6.
Birds hunted: 2.
Birds caught: 0.
Meals nommed: 2.
Treats gobbled: 1.
Human plates raided: 0.
This has not been a successful day.
The life of a cat brings many challenges. But none of these are appreciated by the humans, who persist in prioritising their own pathetic foibles.
They say they have a hard time counting calories, totting up alcohol units, measuring the circumference of their thighs, and other such idiocies. But they know nothing of the hardships undergone by our kind.
- The frustration when a particularly succulent Fluttering Creature perches on the guttering above Mr Next-Door-Landlord’s domain, rendering itself beyond the reach of my daintily extended claws!
- The anticipation of pursuing an eight-legged Skittering Creature, only to see it disappear silently underneath the humans’ seating contraption!
- The torment when plates of delicious morsels waft past my tenderly twitching nose at just such a height as to be unattainable!
I am undecided as to whether the Catparents engineer such circumstances deliberately to thwart me, or whether they are merely ignorant of my needs and desires. And I find such uncertainty unnerving.
How can I best plan my campaign against the humans if I do not know whether I am battling premeditated schemes or natural stupidity? It will make a vast difference to how I approach them.
For instance, if they are fully cognisant of my innermost thoughts and feelings, I must tread very carefully; very carefully indeed. It means that they will be potentially be a step ahead of me at every turn, and I must use every wile available to me if I am to outwit them.
Whilst this is the more difficult route, it is also likely to be the most rewarding. The satisfaction to be gained from outsmarting worthy opponents is not to be underestimated, and it will be most gratifying to have adversaries deserving of my talents.
Alternatively, it may be that they are entirely oblivious to the afflictions I suffer on a daily basis. And this mindset brings with it several different problems.
At first glance, this would seem the scenario most likely to guarantee my success. After all, who cannot triumph against an antagonist with no clue of how the game is played? However, their very obtuseness is a significant threat, as I am powerless to imagine their next move when they do not even know it themselves!
And so I must embark on a programme of observation. I must determine whether the humans are genuinely slow-witted, or merely playing dumb to lull me into a false sense of security. I am not a little agitated to realise that they may be much, much cleverer than I had given them credit for.
Oh, how they confound me with their mixed messages! Time and time again I face circumstances that leave me bewildered as to the true level of their intellect!
But no more. This time I will make it a priority to decipher their behaviour, no matter how taxing the process may be. Your Pasha will not let the cause down! I will use every power at my disposal to identify the humans’ strengths and weaknesses, so as to best inform our cause.
And so I leave you once more, to draw up my plan of action. Rest assured it will be thorough, it will be shrewd, and it will be carried out with utter commitment.
Au revoir, friends. May your own efforts on the front line come to joyful fruition!
Until next time…