A very great cat once said: ‘Ask the Universe for what ye desire, and ye shall receive.’
(I translate, of course. In the scrolls of the original Lolcat – our blessed mother tongue! – this was: ‘Ask teh univers 4 wut U desire, an U shall receiv.’)
And so it has proven this week.
You will recall that, several dozen noms ago, I expounded on the wanton destruction of my luxury ‘hedge-style’ hunting lodge.
This retreat had served me well for several months. Under its auspices I would secrete my beautifully preened form, the better to observe the Fluttering and Skittering Creatures, in the hope of ultimately securing a delicious feast for my dinner table.
But since the dreadful day when I was deprived of my hideaway, I have had little joy on these stalking jaunts.
In vain I lurk underneath the Bamboo of Felix; fruitlessly I loiter behind the Wheelbarrow of Flump. My stunningly colourful markings will not be hidden (for they are indeed a rare sight!) – and so, because of my incredible beauty (oh, what a bitter twist!), all forms of Creature now perceive my approach and take flight.
But listen, comrades! This week saw progress, with assistance from a somewhat unexpected quarter.
It has been some time since I have felt myself able to trust the other felines in these parts. After my close encounter with Mr B*stard, I have been naturally wary of inviting other cats into my confidence, for fear of betrayal.
However, I believe that one of my erstwhile Posse – Mr Black – has made overtures of peace towards me.
Yes! He has demonstrated how we may work together to trap Creatures, in a manner that would be impossible to attain on our own. This can only stem from a desire to make amends, recognise my authority and bow to my leadership!
I shall explain how it came about.
I was reclining on my throne – the one that oversees the rear garden parts of my territory – when all of a sudden a Fluttering Creature appeared in my view and landed on the sill outside. All of a fluster it was, and I looked out to see what might have caused this vision to appear.
There, in my direct sightline, was no less than Mr Black, skulking atop a wall in the far corner of the adjoining domain. It seemed that he had launched an attack on the Fluttering Creature, causing it to veer wildly and unthinkingly right into my paws.
Into my paws, that is, if the glass pane protecting me from the elements had been ajar. But still – close enough!
The Creature remained there for some time, quite naturally awed by my presence and too terrified to move. Many minutes I spent gazing at it, scraping at the pane with my fortuitously manicured claws, and purring in pleasure at my surprise tribute.
At one point I was even close to acquiring two captives, when the Creature’s mate came fluttering by. Sadly, however, it remained just out of reach – for which I blame Catmother. If she had not come running over to gawp at the situation, thereby scaring off the newcomer, who knows what trophies I might not have won?
Indeed, I believe that if Catmother had not interfered at this point, I would certainly have come up with a foolproof plan for acquiring the Fluttering Creature from behind the pane. As it was, the arrival of its mate, unhappily, gave it the courage to leap off the sill and fly from my clutches.
So near! And yet so far.
But, despite my disappointment, I take great comfort and pride from this development. Not only have I come significantly closer to snaring a delicious morsel for my well-deserved but recently sparse banquets; I have also, it seems, a willing new accomplice to aid me in my struggles.
Yes, Mr Black is the first to approach me with offers of help after my recent setbacks – but I have no doubt he will not be the last. When the other neighbourhood felines see how favoured he is, they will not be able to resist following suit.
And I will have my full Posse again.
Soon. Very soon.