Pasha, Mistress of Subterfuge

Comrades! I return to you this week with renewed vigour.

You will recall that I recently suffered a setback, following extreme provocation by Catmother. You will therefore be delighted to learn that I have not only recovered from this humiliation, but also hit upon a plan so cunning, so fiendish, that I doubt the humans will ever catch on to my brilliance.

I have decided to adopt a disguise – an alter ego – and, under this cover, I will encroach further into the most intimate quarters of their residence; I will explore their hidden realm, discover what they conceal from me, and sniff out their secrets!

Yes! I, Pasha, will become a mistress of subterfuge, and will be known as…

Cata Hari.

I admit to feeling a little overwhelmed by my own genius. Although I am in the habit of experiencing incredible flashes of inspiration, this surpasses any plan I have previously imagined. I hope you will forgive me if I indulge in a little self-congratulation. After the trials of recent weeks, it is much needed!

You will be be wondering where I intend to begin my investigations. And quite rightly: this is a matter of immense importance, and must be approached in a carefully considered manner. One false step near the beginning could blow my cover and ruin any chance of further study.

I have therefore taken a few tentative steps to scope out the Catparents’ reaction to my covert inquiries, and I have chosen to commence operations within a field they will surely not regard with any suspicion: their grocery shopping.

Ah! I am yet again owerawed by my own cleverness!

The initial results of this experiment suggest that it was a perfect choice of target. The humans merely laughed and thought it was ‘sweet’ that I had infiltrated one of the bags they carry to and from the store that dispenses their food. Let us not forget that it also provides my own sustenance – and this, I am sure you will agree, is a matter highly worthy of my scrutiny.

How foolish they are!

I will gladly suffer the indignity of their name-calling if it means – as I believe it does – that they do not consider me a threat. I will bask in the apparent ignominy if, by so doing, I may be permitted to venture without suspicion into other regions of their abode and carry out my inspections.

Oh! how I see my campaign beginning to take shape. I will peer into every corner, every hiding place, every secret nook and hidden cranny, and I will find out everything the humans conceal from me.

Thus will I gain the intelligence I so desperately require to outclass them in this conflict.

Friends! I know you will be behind me in this new enterprise. You can rest assured that I will keep you informed when I uncover new data that could bring us an advantage in our daily struggles.

In the meantime I must ask you to remain silent on this matter in the presence of your humans. Remember, careless purrs cost lives!

And if you yourself are inspired to take up camouflage as a result of my illustrious example – well, I very much look forward to hearing what delicate confidences you are able to unearth.

Once more into the breach!