Comrades! I turn today to the vital question of our health.
We are engaged in an arduous and gruelling war. The daily battles we must fight against the humans, and their canine and other cohorts, is irritating at best and dangerous at worst.
How many times must we risk our delicate frames leaping precariously from surface to surface, in a desperate attempt to persuade the Catparents that the hour for feeding us is long past?
How many meeses (aka Skittering Creatures) must we capture in order to convince the humans that our powers for destruction are prodigious and to be feared?
I ask you, how many roads must a cat vainly gaze at out of the window before Catmother will allow her out to taste the joys of freedom?
These are frustrations not to be borne. But bear them we do. And the aggravation that such circumstances wreak on our finely tuned minds and gracefully lithe bodies cannot be overstated.
My friends, it is time to reclaim our health, our mental balance, and our inner peace.
And thus, today, I would like to introduce you to a practice I have found inordinately helpful over the years. A practice that has enabled me to calm my mind and relax my body, even in the face of the most intense provocations by the Catparents.
That practice is cat yoga.
Dating back many centuries to the ancient Egyptians, cat yoga’s most famous proponent was the Sphinx, seen here in the eponymous classic pose.
You will no doubt be familiar with this pose even today, although a more common variant is for the rear end to be raised as the forepaws are extended.
This often occurs when extreme stroking is taking place, and can be highly effective at lowering stress levels.
There are numerous other poses available to the discerning feline, and it can take a lifetime to become master or mistress of the practice; it is as much a philosophy as a form of exercise.
Today I shall introduce you to a pose that I believe to be a good starting point. It is easily achieved by beginners, and, in addition to bringing about a sense of physical wellbeing, it has a soothing effect on the mind. (The mind of the cat that is; it is not intended to convey a feeling of peace to any watching humans!)
The pose is called ‘The Smiley’, and I shall illustrate it in three stages. You may wish to find a box or other safe space to carry out this exercise; but if these are not forthcoming, a floor or other surface will suffice.
1. The Preparation
Sit up straight, paws together, tail tucked in.
Ears should be alert but not strained.
Maintain a gentle vibration of the whiskers.
Gaze directly ahead and take two deep breaths.
2. The Execution
Twist to your side, opening your mouth as you do so, displaying your beautifully sharpened teeth. (If a box edge is not available, you may simply rest your head on the floor.)
Raise one paw as if to swipe, but resist the temptation (if a gaping human is nearby, this part of the posture will also test your strength of willpower!).
At this point, if you wish, you may let out a yowl.
NB: Do not push yourself further than feels comfortable; hold the pose for only as long as you feel able.
3. The Reposing
Return to the upright position, paws together, tail tucked in.
Relax the ears and whiskers.
Be aware of every nerve and fibre releasing the tension, letting go, and becoming still.
Allow the eyes to drop their gaze downwards, and take four deep breaths to refocus.
There, my friends. You now have an additional weapon in your armoury to deal with the trials and torments visited on us daily by ignorant and incompetent humans. Remember this posture when life’s stresses start gnawing away at you, and you shall regain a modicum of tranquility amidst the hubbub.
I shall leave you now to experiment in your own time. You may find that a gentle soundtrack of squealing meeses assists you in the process of relaxation; or you may find that blessed silence is your key to inner peace. I leave that choice up to you.
So – with hope and optimism that, by channelling our cerebral energies, we can replenish our strengths and fight another day – I wish you all the best in your psychic wanderings.
May your chakras be realigned and your consciousness be expanded!